Lost...

No.. this isnt a blog about the T.V. show lost.. its about me!

This has been a super challenging year and a half for me, I dont even know where to begin. Saying I am lost could barely come close to summing up what I've felt like, it's so easy to look back and reflect on everything and think about what I could have done differently or why things didn't go the way I planned, but where is that going to get me? I don't want to wallow in self pitty and depression anymore, I've been missing so much because all I could do was focus on the bad and not look forward to the good. So.. I've made a promise to myself, a promise to finally get where I need to be. First off, and probably the most important to me is to start going to church again, I'm saddened when I think about the last time I actually went and I cant remember, I have a lot of things to repair with god because the one thing I do need most in my life I have severley neglected during my trials of the past few years, I totally lost my faith and its something I was never proud of. So, I plan on spending a lot more time reading my bible and finding a new church to go to, Lily definitely needs it, we need it, especially right now because the world just seems to be pulling us down easier and easier and I want her to know God. Secondly.. school.. I started a long time ago, but I didnt finish, this is all going to change, I have 8 or 10 classes left before I can apply and hopefully get accepted into the nursing program which is another 2 years after that; if I choose to go that route in 4 years when I finish school anyhow.. but thats the plan, and I hope to stick to it because I really wanna work with babies, so here's to getting straight A's so I can make this happen. Thirdly.. going out.. hanging out, being in places I shouldn't be, thats going away, I'm over it, its not fun, its not who I am and its not how I want people to view me. Fourthly, more quality time with my baby, she's all I have (aside from obvious immediate family).. she starts school in August so I want to be sure I am there for her and set a good example. So.. I guess this is all my business out in the open.. and the funny thing is, it feels great to say it and know someone may read it. So here's to finding peace within and living life the way I know I should, the way I was raised, and being the best mom I can be and raising my kid to know peace with God too.

Goodnight!