...........

I could not ask for more, amazing. Love love love her.

Museum of Natural History

A few weeks back my mom, step dad and I took Lily to the Museum of Natural History in LA, it was a ton of fun and Lily posed for pictures by practically everything. I forgot how much fun places like museums can be; for being 4 years old she really is interested in a lot of things.. music, ballet, you name it.

Lots of pictures to share:

Lily digging for fake fossils


posing by some sea lions
skeleton of a blue whale.. crazy!
looking at more fossils and bones
animal pelts
she loved this old mickey mouse

Lily's first day @ school!

Lily's first day of kindergarten rapidly approached; i made sure we had all the necessities so we were completely prepared. She got tons of new clothes, shoes, school supplies, backpack (Paul Frank by her choice), hello kitty thermos and lunch bag; she was really excited but didn't fully grasp the idea of what was going on yet. Weeks prior to school I would talk about it and hype it up so that she wouldn't be scared of being there without me or her grandma; I was so surprised with how well she actually did. I had a moment where I wanted to tear up; but I stopped myself from doing so because I could tell she was a little overwhelmed (thought I better save that for myself after class). Her teachers name is Mrs. Curtis and Lily likes her a lot; I took 3 days off from work so that I could be there for her and it was so nice to be able to walk her to and from school and hear her tell me all about her day. Its sad to see her growing up so fast, but really amazing to see her develop into her own little person full of opinions and personality; she really does make my life better.

Lost...

No.. this isnt a blog about the T.V. show lost.. its about me!

This has been a super challenging year and a half for me, I dont even know where to begin. Saying I am lost could barely come close to summing up what I've felt like, it's so easy to look back and reflect on everything and think about what I could have done differently or why things didn't go the way I planned, but where is that going to get me? I don't want to wallow in self pitty and depression anymore, I've been missing so much because all I could do was focus on the bad and not look forward to the good. So.. I've made a promise to myself, a promise to finally get where I need to be. First off, and probably the most important to me is to start going to church again, I'm saddened when I think about the last time I actually went and I cant remember, I have a lot of things to repair with god because the one thing I do need most in my life I have severley neglected during my trials of the past few years, I totally lost my faith and its something I was never proud of. So, I plan on spending a lot more time reading my bible and finding a new church to go to, Lily definitely needs it, we need it, especially right now because the world just seems to be pulling us down easier and easier and I want her to know God. Secondly.. school.. I started a long time ago, but I didnt finish, this is all going to change, I have 8 or 10 classes left before I can apply and hopefully get accepted into the nursing program which is another 2 years after that; if I choose to go that route in 4 years when I finish school anyhow.. but thats the plan, and I hope to stick to it because I really wanna work with babies, so here's to getting straight A's so I can make this happen. Thirdly.. going out.. hanging out, being in places I shouldn't be, thats going away, I'm over it, its not fun, its not who I am and its not how I want people to view me. Fourthly, more quality time with my baby, she's all I have (aside from obvious immediate family).. she starts school in August so I want to be sure I am there for her and set a good example. So.. I guess this is all my business out in the open.. and the funny thing is, it feels great to say it and know someone may read it. So here's to finding peace within and living life the way I know I should, the way I was raised, and being the best mom I can be and raising my kid to know peace with God too.

Goodnight!

mirrors

Do you ever just stare in the mirror long enough that everything just becomes blurry and you can't quite make out what you are seeing or why it looks that way?

What is love?

So earlier my mom and I were sitting in the living room and I was telling her what Lily told me last night that really made my heart melt. She came and crawled in bed and got in my lap and gave me the biggest hug and told me I was the best mommy in the whole world and she loved me more than anything. So, my mom looks at Lily and tells her that she was so sweet to tell her mommy that and then asked her what she thought love meant. Lily looked up with the biggest smile and said that Love was when you take care of eachother, then she ran and gave us big hugs and said she loved us both so much. Its funny, sometimes I think she knows when I am sad or down, and she knows the perfect things to do or say to make me realize how lucky I am to have such an amazing daughter.

weeds

Sometimes its hard not to be jealous of others and of what you don't have. I know I have a lot and I shouldn't complain, but sometimes all I can do is focus on the things I haven't accomplished or attained and I wonder if I ever will, everyone else seems to have. Maybe I focus too much on what I don't have in my life that I would like and in return that just pushes it further from my grasp. Everyone else just seems so much happier and fullfilled sometimes, and I know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but, when you feel like your grass is nothing but a bunch of weeds and dirt anything else looks a lot better. It makes me sad when people always ask me why I am not married, or if I am seeing anyone, and the answer is always no, or maybe someday, or haven't met the right one. Maybe I am just destined to be alone, just me and Lily, and maybe that is okay but it sucks because I see my family and friends all having these beautiful babies and I wonder if I will ever get to enjoy that again. I know Lily would love a sibling, in the mean time I just have to keep her occupied at Disneyland since thats her new found obsession. I am trying to turn things around, I enrolled back in school and hope to finish that in the next 4 years, things should be better then, at least maybe I can by a house so Lily has an actual backyard to play in and maybe I can get a spare bedroom so mom has a bed instead of the couch (sad I know). Even worse I turn 28 this year and I am starting to feel really old and Lily starts kindergarten soon and she's already needing me less and less. This dark cloud thats been lingering over my head the last year needs to go away....

I guess all I can do is try and breathe and take life one day at a time, but, no matter how much I tell myself things will get better it doesn't ever seem to truly feel realistic.

confusion..

Life has been weird lately.. I don't get it, but I guess I never will but I was hoping that this would be a much better year for me. I am at a point where I just don't care anymore, it is what it is and I can only truly accept that I'll never really understand or know the answers. Maybe there is some comfort in that, or maybe not.....

National Museum day!

San Bernardino Museum 5/2/10

Who knew they had National Museum day.. and who knew it was going to turn out to be totally awesome. The first sunday of the month the San Bernardino museum is free to get into, its not expensive to go otherwise, $8 for adults and $6 for kids I think, but, let's face it, that place hasn't changed since I was little and probably way before that too so taking advantage of free day is the way to go! Lily has a kick looking at mammal hall and all the bugs they have in the kids area in the back, so its definitely worth the few bucks once in a while. Today they had all sort of activities for the kids. There was music, bbq and dancing for entertainment and all sorts of arts and crafts, including people making balloon animals and cool chalk art on the cement (Lily wasnt really feeling that). Lily got a Thomas the Train book (complete with audio cd) and was able to silk screen her own t-shirt. She got a pencil with a brain eraser which she has been excited about all day long.. only my kid would be stoked on a brain eraser.. haha!

She chose the chihuahuas for her tshirt.

Making a sock puppet, which is currently named Oobi, and which I was just able to take off of her because she just fell asleep.. what time is it anyways....

say Hello to Oobi!

Did I mention she wore that sock almost all day long..

Touching a lizard.. it was pretty soft.. but not my ideal of a pet thats for sure.

Hers is the artwork to the left with the brown border.. they got to paint the canvas too.

Rail cars

Such a good sunday and a perfect way to end the weekend. The kids got to do so much at the museum, it was really fun. They decorated picture frames too, which Lily covered with about 2 pounds of glitter glue, its lovely and now sitting atop her dresser. I honestly couldnt think of a better person to spend my time with, I hope she always knows how much I love her and love being around her and watching her learn and discover and be Lily. She's quite infectious and anything I can do to make her laugh and smile makes my life that much better. She is the sweetest thing you'll ever meet.

Good night!

Ford Park

Saturday was such a pretty day, aside from a bit of wind and even though my head was hurting like crazy, I decided why stay indoors, time to definitely take advantage of a nice sunny day that wasn't 90 degrees. Lily and I met up with Carla and her son Nathan and went to Ford park, they played on the toys with the other kids there and then we went to see the ducks in the ponds. (sadly.. there was a dead duck floating in the middle.. something I wasn't expecting to have to explain to the kids.. oops!). We went on a treasure hunt to look for pine cones and dandelions and bugs, the kids found huge sticks and decided to stick them in the water and look for fish, no luck there, but they did think a rock was a turtle which was pretty cute! All in all it was a nice day.. Lily had fun and played really hard, she didnt even cry when it was time to come home like she usually would. Sunday was fun too.. more pics later of the museum outing!

I guess I should invest in some longers t-shirts.. oops..

Such a good weekend with my favorite person in the whole world!

Dontcha wish we could travel back in time?

Sometimes I really wished we still lived in the 50's... I barely watch tv anymore because all there seems to be are half naked girls and a lot of sexual content. I swear, if I'm not watching Nick Jr with Lily then the tv is off because it just doesnt hold my attention anymore. Even commercials are bad, something as simple as a Carls Jr commercial can be totally uneccessary.. (i.e., Kim Kardashian and the salad.. does she really need to get in the bath.. c'mon now... and no.. i am not a hater, shes pretty but my 4 year old doesn't need to see these things...) What happened to the good ole days of unconventional beauty and not that -in your face- fake look anymore. Here are some women that inspire me.. they have great style and aren't necessarily your "typical" beauty.. but are still totally beautiful nonetheless, even if its just the simple fact that they are an amazing mom. So.. on my days where I want to compare mysel to these women I would never in a million years with ever compete with (obviously) I'll just remind myself of the real women in the world who are so much more amazing!

There is something so amazing about Zooey Deschanel.. I love her style. Its perfect.

Keira Knightley is timeless.. in my eyes she is like the next Audrey Hepburn.

Crazy Heart... nuff said!

Timeless as well.. very rare instance when she looks bad.

Jennifer Garner just makes mommyhood look so perfect.. she's so involved and always smiling.. shes definitely one of the best looking celebrities out there.

So enough whining about horrible tv and the media.. I hope everyone has a great Easter!

friday wish list!

I am on redecoration mode.. I just wish I had my own place to decorate, apartment living sucks.. but.. at least it inspiration for now.

I think this is such a cool kitchen.. I love the red mixed with the lighter colors.

totally in love with the coffee table.

Refurbished furniture.... cant go wrong. I see awesome stuff at thrift stores that you could paint or recover.

Pretty unrelated.. but everytime I see buttons.. I think of my grandma, she always has the coolest old buttons. She has really amazing old jewelery too.

I love this bed from Ikea.. its onlt 99 bucks too.. I really want to get it.. but I have this massive 4 post bed now that I want to get rid of. I guess I could sell it on craigslist or get rid of it, put it in storage.. I want something smaller, this bed just swallows my room whole.. hate it.. but totally love this bed.


thats all.. I'm off to bed.. its going to be a great day at my sisters for Easter lunch and egg hunting with the family! Good night!

Long hair............

Lily wants mermaid hair.. she wont dare let me cut it off.. she hasnt had a hair cut in years... I need to change this.........soon..... hair down to her bellybutton.. not so sure about this.

We're some kinda family!

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to go to the LA zoo with my dad, sister and her two kids, and my two other nephews Brandon and Ayden (my sister was on a long overdue date with her hubby). Lily has never been to the zoo before so I knew she was going to have a lot of fun. We got there with no problems, and if you know me, you know how horrible I am at driving and managing any sort of directions (in desperate need of a GPS system I know!). The wait to get in was crazy, but as soon as we got in, it was a beautiful fun filled day full of a ton of walking. Lily was excited to see the elephants, since those just happen to be her favorite right now, unfortunately that part of the zoo was closed down but we did get to see one walk by. My nephew Noah was the most excited to see the animals by far, I swear that kid would have jumped in with them if he could, he cried so hard everytime we had to leave the animals. It was super sweet. Brandon has the appetite of an 8 year old for sure, I think he ate more than all of us combined! The zoo was definitely fun... but kinda sad in a weird way. I feel bad for the animals, they should be in their natural environment roaming free. But.. I guess its educational for the kids and helps fun further programs for helping preserve what wildlife is left in this world.. although my kid seemed more interested in screaming out "mom... look at that gorillas big ole booty!".. oh well! Good for laughs :) On a side note.. they dont have those wax machines anymore where you can mold your own animal, that was a big time bummer, we were looking forward to that.

Piano lessons..... a no go.

Okay... so after finally finding a place to take Lily to her piano lessons, after paying for six 30 minute lessons up front (thanks to grandpa Bob).. it was a disaster.. I wish I had a picture to share, but I don't, time to invest in a camera so I can catch all these fiascos. With all the time this little girl invests in playing the piano at home I thought she'd for sure be so excited to get to learn from a real teacher, I even told her it was school thinking it would make it sound more legit. She had been talking about going to music school ALL DAY long, even rushed me at dinner (Bakers since we were on a time limit) telling me we couldn't miss her school... then we get there, and from the first step in the door I knew she wasn't going to have it. I dont know if it was the thrift store smell inside the place, and the two old looking hippie guys that worked there (one was the teacher of course), or the that we were crammed into the tiniest room imaginable... something scared her and from the moment she laid eyes on "Rick" she hid on my lap and would not talk, would not look at him, would not have anything to do with her lesson at all, she wouldn't even open her eyes to look at him. He played every kid song he knew, tried to show her all his stuffed animal collection (why a grown man has a collection of this sorts is beyond me).. nothing worked. I left the room thinking if I wasn't there she would snap out of it, but that just made it worse, here came the water works. I was soo bummed, I guess I figured she would just be so excited to learn that I forgot how insanely shy my baby is.... oh well. Maybe in the next year or two we will try again. For now, the next 5 lessons are going to my nephew Brandon, who will learn to rock out on the guitar. Oh... and right as we got in the car, all she could tell us was "Mommy.. he's not a girlie.. I need a girlie to teach me this." Right as we entered the door, she went straight to the piano and played for almost 20 minutes, head phones and all.. figures right.. lol.. I guess I better find a little ole granny to teach her, because Lily.. she does not like men at all!!

Friday!

Today had its ups and downs.. I have really been dreading being at work, I really need a vacation and desperately need to make some changes.. (i.e.; taking the initiative and finishing my degree I started on oh so long ago). Aside from the monotony of work.. work work.. It was fun is coming home and seeing Brandon play his guitar, it was cute to hear him tell me all about the new things he learned from Bob. I always enjoy spending time with Brandon, he has the best sense of humor around and always seems to make us all laugh, even at the expense of having to be a total goof ball. We had fun looking at the birthday cards (Aydens about to turn 4.. hard to believe!) and laughing at the musical cards, I don't think I've ever heard my mom laugh so hard before in my life.. It makes me happy to see her smile, and laughing is always such a good thing!

Lily conned me into buying her a Disney Princess doll, this time she chose Ariel, she's really into mermaids right now and even tries to pretend to be one when she takes a bath.. to think this all started because of those silly moon sand aquarium commercials. I swear that child wants everything on every infomercial she see's on t.v. She also decided to wake me up at 3 this morning to tell me that she liked her dinner and that her brain had to eat a lot of food so that it had lots of power.. pretty funny. She made friends with a little girl at Barnes and Nobles tonight too, and cried when it was time to leave. It's cute to see her interact with other kids, I at least have the peace of mind knowing she'll make friends easily at school when she starts this year.

I wish I had pictures to put up, but unfortunately I haven't replaced my camera yet .. its been broken for a year now and I just know i have missed sooooo many good photo ops... soon.. I want to buy a nice one so I can take amazing pics like my sister does!

First official blog!

So... I decided today would be my first day to start a blog. Truth be told, I dont know exactly what to write, but, I enjoy reading my sisters blog so much that I decided that maybe I could be half as successful at it as well!

I am soo bummed I dont get to go to this supposedly awesome estate sale with my sister tomorrow, I bet there are going to be some awesome finds and I have to miss it! Darn work!!!!!!! At least I scored a really cute dress at Target after dinner tonight. Decided I am putting Lily in Piano lessons, she lovesssss music and Bob even let her jam on his keyboard tonight and said she could have it once she started her lessons!